Tuesday, June 9, 2009

The roomate strikes again...

I am starving.

But I cannot cook.

Because 1. there are no clean dishes and 2. because there is food in cooking vessels all over the kitchen.

Some of the dishes in the sink have been there for almost two weeks. I saw an ant today. This is no bueno.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Have you Ever...

gone to Taco Bell and ordered in spanish when the black lady behind the register clearly does not speak spanish and pretended to be very frustrated because she doesn't understand and you're like "dude, this is TACO BELL, why don't you know Spanish???" and then you storm out but then half way home you realize you never got your nachos and then you're temporarily sad again but then you realize it could be worse and you could be the confused cashier?

I have. Because I'm an asshole.


If I don't make them a little happier inside, I'll give them $5.

Reason #89345789475 nobody wants me in their religion...

So i was watching "What's Love Got to do With It" on VH1 the other day and I found it really funny. I know I shouldn't as a black woman who grew up n a home with domestic violence, but I couldn't help it. So I'm laughing as Tina gets her ass beat for not singing the songs to Ike's liking.

Then comes Nutbush.

awwwwwwww NUTBUSH!!!

Cracked out Ike rapes Tina to that song. Rapes her to a song called 'Nutbush.'

Now I don't condone domestic violence and I don't think rape is at all funny but.. shit. I guess you had to be there.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Have you ever...

said something that could loosely be interpreted as sexual and then out of nowhere, someone that you know but not really decides they wanna take the innuendo and run with it? Then you think the two of y'all are joking and you're play-flirting back and then you realize that this guy is totally serious because he asks where you live and you're all "WTF, when did this happen?"

I'm so there.

And this kid is not even cute enough to be talking to me the way he is. The only thing redeeming him was the fact that he had a cute dog but then I come to find out that he doesn't even have the dog anymore. sigh. I'm going to bed.

Friday, May 8, 2009

This is a blog about pancakes.


I've actually been craving them all week, but somehow in my head they are more work than french toast, so I've had french toast about 6 times this week.

Actually, pancakes make me sad recently. I think it's because I'm so homesick. Making pancakes would make me think of my mom and mommy is so far away. I cried all over the Mother's Day card I sent to her today.

I'm a pussy I know.

Speaking of pussies, have you seen Cassie's? That's the singer, I know most people don't know who the fuck the bitch is, but yeah. it's her. Her funbags and her poon have been floating all over the internet after somebody "hacked into her computer."

Come on now, don't be a whore for propaganda.

At first, it was just her titicacas, then surfaced a photo of her spread eagle with all her piercings gleaming in the light of the webcam.

Jesus, take the wheel.

This is TOTALLY not what I came her to talk about.

I'm gonna make a sex tape. That would speed up this whole 'becoming famous' thing, fo sho.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

I kind of hate myself right now.

I miss him.

Not the him that cuddles with me, or that texts me just because he was thinking of me. Nope, not him.

I miss the other one. The one that broke my heart, the one that made me cry, the one I gave everything too.

The one that lied to me, that took me for granted and took advantage. The one who made me happiest, then turned around and caused me to feel the most hurt I've ever experienced.

And I feel stupid. Because after it all, I still wish he was here. I wish he was mine. And it still hurts. Hurts so bad.

They say in the end you always think of the beginning.. I'm thinking about the birthday cake I made, the Valentines text I got, the study sessions that didn't have any studying, the late night phone calls, the cuddling, October 24... I want 2008 back. I want him back.

I want us back.

And at the very same time I feel terrible because I have an amazing man in my life who cares about me and I'm really falling for him. Albeit a bit more carefully than last time, but falling nonetheless. And I never want for him to feel like he's sharing me or fighting for my heart because he doesn't have to... which contradicts everything I've said. I hate this.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I just had a thought...

I'm pretty sure my best friend, Valerie, hates me.


I'm sorry. That happens sometimes.

but any way, Valerie has to think I'm a pain in the ass. I mean I move all the way across the country and I call her so I can cry like a blubbering idiot and I know that's gotta be annoying especially when there are so many other fun and awesome things one could be doing and the only reason she keeps me in her life is because she's concerned that I'm a suicide risk and she just doesn't want that blood on her hands.

Speaking of blood, did you know that horseshoe crabs have blue blood? It's because the elemental component of their hemoglobin in copper, not iron like ours.

Star Jones looks like a walrus.

I'm so sorry for this. Please return to your lives as they were, as I'm sure this doesn't even make sense anymore.

I <3 valerie. and oprah. and mexican food. fuck. there I go again.

I need a red bull.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

That bitch looks like a salamander.


I'm not even joking. I would post her picture but that would just cause more drama than it's worth.


Is that a lacefront?

Who knew Trey Songz got his start on Tyra?!?!

please note the silky smooth yaki, freshly sewn in... it's beautiful. Beyaki, take notes.

OW! Tyra looks like she creamed her panties and smelled something awkward at the same time.

Voice even has the Trey face down. 


OH. Around the 1:40 mark it cuts to some white lady repeating the praise Tyra gives herself so you can stop around there. 

Or just keep watching if you're into that kind of thing.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Pharrell is my favorite :)

I've always been exposed to Mr. Williams, especially in the last few months because a certain person in my life was basically obsessed with him. And oddly, though it would annoy me if it was anyone else, I tolerated and even mildly enjoyed cyberstalking Pharrell through Australia. Just because it made that person happy. Sick, huh?

But I digress. 

It's odd that soon after  that person is out of my life, I fall totally in love with Skateboard P. Mostly because of this lovely display of fuckery in Paris.

I love a man who can make up a song about various foodstuffs off the top of his head. And of course accompany it with an awkward, Michael Jackson inspired dance.

I think I'm in love.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

I'm gonna stab him...

He told me he would be here in an hour... FOUR AND A HALF HOURS AGO.

Inconsiderate bastard.


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I forgot my damn camera cord...

so I can't upload the pictures that I took yesterday at the beach! I actually had a lot of fun. I collected shells for Everett, drew in the sand and met a really nice family from Kentucky. I guess there's just gonna have to be lots of pics when I get back to DC on friday. Or maybe not. depends on how much work I can get done and I have a lot to do.

I'm not exactly sure what we're doing today. But the sun is all the way out today and I'm super excited. It's not that warm, only in the 60s, but I'll take it.

bbl. :)

Monday, March 16, 2009

Holy Hell, it's only Monday?

I totally woke up this morning thinking it was Tuesday and that made me very excited... cause there would only be 3 days left in this 'vacation.' Honestly, I would be content to stay in bed and watch TV all day, that's a vacation to me. But yesterday I was taken on a tour. A tour of what? THE BEACH. 

I'm from California. Wtf. 

It was so foggy that we couldn't see the beach anyway. I guess. 

Then we went to an amazing seafood restaurant and the food was soooo yummy!

It's raining today. It's gonna be cold. I should have gone to Miami. But I'm gonna try my best to enjoy the rest of this trip. On the brighter side of things, I think we're going to the aquarium today which makes me super excited. really. I LOVE animals. That really made my morning.


Sunday, March 15, 2009

Greetings from Myrtle Beach!!!

So we have just arrived in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. We should have been here hours ago, but it was supremely necessary to spend a few hours in North Carolina in a town called Leland. (Google Map that shit, promise you won't be disappointed.) Then we went to this awesome place called Golden Corral for dinner and it was absolutely fantastic.

I have also decided that my bestie's mom is the worst. driver. ever. I'm from California, I've seen some crazy shit on the roads but this lady has some screws loose. She swerves, stops short, stops RANDOMLY,(like brake lights a mile ahead, slam on the brakes type business) and is just generally not good at it. She was making me carsick with all the extracurricular movements. 

The villa is really nice, and I just got a lecture on how timeshares work. Now the bestie and I are in our room watching Bridezillas. Good Shit. Wish me luck for the rest of this week. :)

Friday, March 13, 2009

I'm back!!

I've been gone for a while, but I'm back. I promise. I've been thinking of new things to do here and how to keep it spicy and I've thought of a few things... for one, I'm gonna start incorporating vlogs... I've wanted to do that for a lonnnng time now but couldn't find imovie on my computer. Don't judge me. But then I found it! On the same day that I found that I could do a quick capture on youtube. But yes. This is the return. I'll be back later with a real post, but for now I gotta go pack. :)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

so it's been a while..

Dearest blog, I apologize for neglecting you so. It's been a rough couple weeks.

Just wanted to say hi. 


that's all.

Friday, January 23, 2009

I'm trying so very hard to keep it together, and I fear I'm failing...


she's gone.

freak accident on the highway.

Freak Accident on Capitol Beltway

I can't stop watching the video...

she was 5 months pregnant. I don't know what to do. I'm trying so hard to be strong and keep it together but I'm falling apart. The funeral is on Tuesday and I'm so scared for that day because a funeral makes it real. A funeral means that she isn't coming back. I don't think I'm ready for that.


and they wonder why I don't believe in God...

R.I.P. Channing Quinichett.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

this whole week needs to be a holiday...

I reallllllly want to blog about inauguration since I was there and all but I really just don't feel like it right now. boo.

I'll be back later.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Shake them Dreads!

I'm sitting here watching the First 48 because I got out of lab early and don't have another class until 12:40 which I should start getting ready for... but I digress. Damn this undiagnosed ADD!

But anyway, I'm watching the First 48 and the chick they were interviewing stuck some crack up her butthole when she thought she could get a way with it. But the cameras in the room caught her and she was then cavity searched. After that, the made her take off her WIG AND SHAKE IT.

OMG. It was so damn hilarious I don't know what to do. Maybe that's only funny to me but if you had seen it, you would laugh too.

Lordie. I'm gonna go get ready for class.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I have a follower!!!! that's nutso! who's crazy enough to follow my blog?? Well not crazy, I'm sure you're amazing. Well you have to be, you're associated with me.

You know, sometimes, when I think of how many awesome blogs there are, I feel like I'm wasting some kind of internet paper or something that could be recycled and used me for something more important.

but whatever. I have a follower. :D

I need a purpose.

so I've decided that I have no purpose.

Many of my friends blog, mostly fashion blogs. My blog is about my life.

which is pretty damn boring. At least I think so.

I really need to carry my macbook with me, so that I can blog random thoughts. I have so many and i forget so easily cause sometimes my brain acts crazy and I can't stop thinking or moving and everything runs together and then I forget and then I hate myself because I get so entertained by my thoughts and I wanna share them but I have forgotten and then I think about carrying cheesy which is the name of my mac (get it, cheesy mac?) but I need a new battery and he dies in like 15 minutes and what good what that do?


I think I have ADD.

I really want a puppy. I wanna convince someone to get me one.

I saw my spiph today... it was amazing I've missed him so much. And finally my big brother is back. <3 I'm pretty sure this is what I came to post about but in my true form, I forgot.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

the golden girls are my life.

If you don't watch Golden Girls, I don't think we can be friends anymore. If you aren't a fan, go to YouTube, then go to channels and search either The Lanai or Goinggoldenagain (one word). watch, laugh, love.

This shit is hilarious. I want to be that fucking funny when I'm about to take the big dirt nap.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

wash that weave and put it right back in that bitch!

I think fake people are great. Cause as soon as you find out how fake they are, you get to royally play their lives. Like my roommate for example.. she's a fake, disgusting, dirty, nasty old weave wearing slore (that's a slut and a whore mixed together, in case you didn't know). I didn't know that at first, but when it all came out our house was like an episode of Keyshia Cole's family fuckery. Living with a slut builds character, I say. But I'm digressing... learning how to weed out bad friends doesn't only train you for the future, but it teaches you a whole hell of a lot about yourself. so embrace it.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

My God, just shoot me.

I would really appreciate it if people stopped asking me who I'm looking at in the NFL playoffs.

The answer is no one. and the tears that well up in my eyes when you mention the National Football League should deter you from pressing further, but if you're one of those people who doesn't fucking get it, press on. break a young woman's heart.

Of course, more than it already is. I don't even want to revisit in any detail the fuckery that was the Cowboys vs. Eagles game that killed Dallas' chances at the playoffs, because it is far too painful. And if you can't understand then I hope you get sacked by an old lady in the grocery store and then I hope said lady shoves an entire hard salami up your ass because you are a fucktard with no empathy for a football fan in pain.

But of course, there's always next season. Oh yeah, goodbye Tony Romo. You've choked when it mattered most for the last time. Too bad you don't get to play in the awesome Cowboy Stadium. That shit is HOT.

I probably will watch the superbowl, because a true football fan wouldn't miss it, but it's gonna hurt. sigh.

Peeing in a cup takes more skill than one would think...

I went to the gynecologist today. It was actually mildly entertaining (which should indicate how mind numbingly bored I am) and I had a good time.

My nurse practitioner was named Joni, and she was awesome. she literally yelled "NO GLOVE, NO LOVE" at me with a huge smile on her face while we were talking about safe sex practices. It was great.

I also had to pee in a cup which is easy for normal people but I'm not normal so it ended being an ordeal. QUITE the ordeal. and then I couldn't find the nurse who told me to bring the pee to her so I'm standing in the middle of the office holding a cup of my own pee.

awkward. but whatever.

then I got poked and prodded and Joni and I talked about my "boyfriend" and then I got blood drawn while sitting in a chair that looked like a torture device and the nurse laughed at me when I told her that even though I was totally serious.

My arm still hurts.

So let's hope for my "boyfriend's" sake that I don't get a phone call from Joni. Cause then he will die. She's gonna send me a card if everything's cool though. weee!