have you ever wondered...

if artists just did whatever the fuck they wanted and it never really meant anything and art critics have gotten into the habit of trying to figure shit out and the artist is just like, "I put that pig there because bacon is delicious and I fucking love pigs" but people are referencing Animal Farm and Socialism and THE MAN then the artist is just like, "WTF"?

ALSO.

I was watching Taboo the other night about coming of age ceremonies and on the island of Vanuatu the men jump off a huge tower with vines tied to their ankles and plummet face down toward the Earth and they think that this is the origin of modern day bungee jumping and they tell this flowery story of how the tradition originated with some guy trying to kill his wife and she climbed up a tree and tied vines to her ankles and he went up the tree to totally murk that bitch but she jumped and he followed but he wasn't cool and didn't have vines tied to his ankles so he went SPLAT and whatnot when he hit the ground and nowadays the men build a huge tower* and jump off that shit to symbolize that they will never be tricked again(which to me is odd because if it were me I would have the women jump but without the vines to teach their asses a damn lesson).

*In this episode, the tower actually fell and killed a NatGeo camera man and a few of the men who were yet to jump. Which was totally not funny.

oops.

ok. so I was totally wrong about Gary Busey being Kenicky. Jeff Conway is Kenicky. Gary Busey played Buddy Holly. Now I realize why at some points during Celebrity Rehab I was so damn confused... like in the first hour of The Departed. Matt Damon and Leo DiCaprio look freakishly similar.

omg.

so i'm in this strange place and the icky roommie cleaned today so that was good but my head is going crazy and my body is doing weird things and I don't know what the hell is going on with me and I think I'm getting depressed and I told my bff how I'm basically a 20 year old spinster that is doomed to own 38 cats and become a hoarder and by the time I'm 25 I'm gonna have my very own NBC special featuring some distinguished reporter like Lisa Ling about hoarding cat ladies and they'll come in and I'll be wearing a muu muu because I'm a spinster as mentioned before and they're gonna take away my cats because the whole living situation is unsanitary and gross and of course the cats could die in the hoarded clutter and I threaten to kill myself because my cats and 'Days of Our Lives' is all I live for and then they bring Oprah in because Oprah is the queen of getting to the root of people's feelings and by the end of my segment on 60 Minutes I'm healed and they make me over and give me a whole new look but I'm still single and they took my cats so the cycle is doomed to repeat itself and it's just a big mess.





omg. I need therapy.

It's odd when Sunday is the busiest day of your week..

Considering it's technically the FIRST day of the week...


but yeah, my day kind of looks like this:

10:00 a.m: Wake up, go to CVS to get trimming scissors
10:15 a.m: Get eyebrows done. It's starting to look like a persian man's back on the upper portion of my face... it's SERIOUS.
10:45-12:00 p.m: Wash, blow dry, trim and flat iron my hair. Pray for me on this one...
12:00 p.m: House meeting. :-|
12:15: murder sabrina
12:15-12:30: Conclude House meeting.
12:30: Clean Room
1:00: Dallas Kickoff.
1-4:00: Dallas game and pretty time. Pretty time includes my weekly self-mani/pedi. I love myself.

At some point in the day the penis will arrive. Hang with him until he leaves.

Considering how late early it is.. I'll be pooped out by 9. then to bed. I MUST go to psychology class in the morning... my first appearance in 2 weeks...

actually, today really sucked.

I got egged. And now I have a bruise.


I have pictures to substantiate the disgusting roommate claims...



the lovely stove... in the cup, is oil. that will never be used again. In the skillet, is 4 day old taco meat, which will probably be eaten tomorrow. Please notice the speckles of assorted foodstuffs.



that was my coffee creamer, but a rodent has chewed through the plastic. fabulous. gotta love rabies.



the dishes. that haven't been done since Friday... the only thing that doesn't belong to that assmunch is the white plate... see it? yeah.



we don't have a recycling bin... so apparently, it's the smart thing to do if we just leave shit on the floor. :-|

we have rodents.

I swear to God, Allah, Buddha and all other holy beings I will KILL SOMEONE.








wtf.








In other news, my roommate had a seizure today. I met a cute hospital admin. and she got hit on by an interesting nurse. good times.

I'm going straight to hell...

but this is the funniest shit EVER.








that is all.

Roommate Wars

So.

My house is disgusting.

For some reason, a select roommate of mine seems to have no home training or common sense at all. And she's downright disgusting.


And she has a terrible weave. Like, really. I swear there are tiny woodland creatures nesting in it.

We can start with the kitchen since it's communal and whatnot.

1. One should clean up after oneself when he or she is done cooking. The stove literally has stuff caked on it that I cannot readily recognize. Brillo pads need to be purchased. The girl also leaves her food out, then warms it up the next day. And eats it. Shudder.

1a. Oil being left out is really gross. especially when it's left in a regular drinking cup next to the stove. What's even worse is when it's left in the skillet or pot or whatever used to cook in. It's also a fire hazard considering we have a gas stove that can easily take eyebrows off when lit.

2. The microwave. OMG the microwave. Were we never taught to cover things when we reheat them you simple bitch?? Her house must be gross, oh wait no. She's only 22 years old so her mother, of course, does everything for her. But back to the icky microwave. There are cheese stalactites hanging from the top of the microwave. The rest of the microwave looks like one of those strange modern art pieces with random paint splashed all over the place.

3. The floor. This smarmy pirate hooker is FOREVER dropping things on the floor and not cleaning it. Once she dropped an entire pitcher of pink lemonade. The floor was sticky for at least a week. I wanna bash her head in with a fucking swiffer...

4. Dishes. SHE. NEVER. WASHES. ANY. And she cooks the most. The other roommates and I are trying to not wash her dishes so that she can get the got damn picture but this shit is like Waiting for Godot (oops, literary reference that only I get?).

Now for the bathroom. We share this bathroom because I definitely got the short straw that was never pulled... but that's a different post for a different day.

But yes, she has not cleaned the bathroom ONCE. It's absolutely ridiculous.

She refuses to put a bag in the trash can and now it's overflowing with her snot rags and weave fragments. And she won't take the shit out. I refuse.

She's also not very inclined to changing the gahddamn toilet paper roll. She'll just leave it or she'll leave a roll sitting on the sink. IT TAKES 12 SECONDS. WTF.

And another issue with the weave is the icky brown gel she uses on said weave. It's EVERYWHERE. Really. I just don't get it. She's the oldest in the house...

Ah! the men. Please don't get me started on the men and how she kept me awake the other night... god.

I had stuff to write about... but my train of thought derailed.

So I'm pretty much addicted to my new blog. I was thinking about all the cool stuff I could write about last night (technically this morning, when I was up at such an ungodly hour... also the reason I can be blogging right now when I definitely should be in class) but for some reason, it's all gone.

But back to how UBER EXCITED I am about my blog. I don't know why. It's only my second one. But I feel like in my soul it's gonna be awesome. People are always telling me how funny I am so, I figured, why not share my awesome with the whole internet?


Oy. I need a vacation. To anywhere, really. Since the United States has the highest drinking age in the WORLD (What the Hell kind of fuckery is that?), anywhere will do except for Japan and Iceland, both of which will make me wait until I turn 20.

This whole, being young thing is getting kind of irritating. Yet I still kind of love being the baby of everything. But right now it sucks. Everyone is 21 or soon to be 21. All my friends even have to wait for MY 21st bday to go ape shit in Vegas. Actually, I kind of like that. I HAVE THE POWAAAAA! Sorry, control freak moment.

Woah. Happened again. While I was typing I had a great thought and then.. gone. I need some Ginko Biloba or B vitamins or something...

Ahhh! It's Gary Busey!!

So I'm sitting up watching Grease and it's at the scene where everyone is at the drive through and the whole world finds out that Rizzo is pregnant with the demon seed of Kenickie.


Suddenly, it hits me. I literally scream at the TV, "OMG. IT'S GARY BUSEY!!!"


Then I thought to myself, "wow. I'm really showing my age." Life is hard at the tender age of almost 20.


It was pretty awesome to figure out what made Gary Busey a celebrity, to correlate with the drug abuse and oddity that makes him famous. Speaking of which, I've been watching celebrity rehab lately. It's touching. But now matter what I still can't help but laugh a Busey. I know it's wrong and that I'm probably going to Hell for it, but whatever. Just like that episode of Intervention with the girl who inhales computer duster. Honestly, one of the funniest things I've ever seen. EVER.

I totally have to be up in four and a half hours but I really can't stop reading blogs and facebooking.


John Travolta is really hot in this movie. Okay, bed now. This is getting ridiculous.