Have you ever...

said something that could loosely be interpreted as sexual and then out of nowhere, someone that you know but not really decides they wanna take the innuendo and run with it? Then you think the two of y'all are joking and you're play-flirting back and then you realize that this guy is totally serious because he asks where you live and you're all "WTF, when did this happen?"



I'm so there.




And this kid is not even cute enough to be talking to me the way he is. The only thing redeeming him was the fact that he had a cute dog but then I come to find out that he doesn't even have the dog anymore. sigh. I'm going to bed.

This is a blog about pancakes.

Seriously.


I've actually been craving them all week, but somehow in my head they are more work than french toast, so I've had french toast about 6 times this week.

Actually, pancakes make me sad recently. I think it's because I'm so homesick. Making pancakes would make me think of my mom and mommy is so far away. I cried all over the Mother's Day card I sent to her today.

I'm a pussy I know.

Speaking of pussies, have you seen Cassie's? That's the singer, I know most people don't know who the fuck the bitch is, but yeah. it's her. Her funbags and her poon have been floating all over the internet after somebody "hacked into her computer."

Come on now, don't be a whore for propaganda.

At first, it was just her titicacas, then surfaced a photo of her spread eagle with all her piercings gleaming in the light of the webcam.

Jesus, take the wheel.


This is TOTALLY not what I came her to talk about.

I'm gonna make a sex tape. That would speed up this whole 'becoming famous' thing, fo sho.

I just had a thought...

I'm pretty sure my best friend, Valerie, hates me.

Well maybe not hates me HOLY FUCK OPRAH LOOKS SO GOOD WITH HER HAIR LIKE THAT!!


I'm sorry. That happens sometimes.


but any way, Valerie has to think I'm a pain in the ass. I mean I move all the way across the country and I call her so I can cry like a blubbering idiot and I know that's gotta be annoying especially when there are so many other fun and awesome things one could be doing and the only reason she keeps me in her life is because she's concerned that I'm a suicide risk and she just doesn't want that blood on her hands.

Speaking of blood, did you know that horseshoe crabs have blue blood? It's because the elemental component of their hemoglobin in copper, not iron like ours.

Star Jones looks like a walrus.


I'm so sorry for this. Please return to your lives as they were, as I'm sure this doesn't even make sense anymore.


I <3 valerie. and oprah. and mexican food. fuck. there I go again.

I need a red bull.

Greetings from Myrtle Beach!!!

So we have just arrived in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. We should have been here hours ago, but it was supremely necessary to spend a few hours in North Carolina in a town called Leland. (Google Map that shit, promise you won't be disappointed.) Then we went to this awesome place called Golden Corral for dinner and it was absolutely fantastic.

I have also decided that my bestie's mom is the worst. driver. ever. I'm from California, I've seen some crazy shit on the roads but this lady has some screws loose. She swerves, stops short, stops RANDOMLY,(like brake lights a mile ahead, slam on the brakes type business) and is just generally not good at it. She was making me carsick with all the extracurricular movements. 

The villa is really nice, and I just got a lecture on how timeshares work. Now the bestie and I are in our room watching Bridezillas. Good Shit. Wish me luck for the rest of this week. :)

I'm going straight to hell...

but this is the funniest shit EVER.








that is all.