Thursday, December 18, 2008

Emotional rollercoaster

My love life is to topsy turvy right now...

I feel like soon I'm gonna have to make a decision, a decision that I don't think I can make. It's far too hard.

On the one hand, there's my first. Who I love, but has been so hurt in the past that he can't seem to give me the emotional support and intimacy that I need. So many times he's hurt me and now that I've moved on, he suddenly wants to act like he cares. It's fucking with my mental. Because all along, I knew that the good boyfriend was in him, but he could never fully show it to me. Until now. and it sucks.

The man I've moved on to. Amazing. He's sweet, and caring and attentive. Sounds like the obvious choice right? well, physically, we aren't all the way there. It's not working and I'm not happy. I miss sex with the first, but I can't deal with the hurting and the confusion and the guessing. With #2 there isn't any guessing. He's into me and I know it.

And the part of the whole situation that kills me the most is the fact that there's a third party now. there's no way that we're getting out of this mess with nobody hurt. And I just wish #1 could have come to his senses before I got involved.

I don't know what to do.

1 comment:

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Hey Jo, noticed your comment from the blogess. And against my better judgment I'm hopping in here on your heartache.

This is MOST of the time, MOST of the men - I'm not saying guy #1 might not be great or wonderful or truly different, but from what I've seen MOST of the guy #1s out there go back to their old ways as soon as they have you back or shortly thereafter. MOST LIKELY he'll eventually go back to however he was hurting you before.

The only way I've really seen guys truly change and STAY "the good boyfriend" (fiancee, husband) is if they have made the decision after a major life changing event (someone close to them dies or almost dies, they are TRULY saved/reborn, that kind of thing).

Guy #2...I think "into me and I know it" can be scary, but can be worth it if things work out. No way to tell unless you try, which it seems like you're doing.

Guy #3 - People take their chances & get hurt. As long as you're as honest as you can be with them AND yourself, it's just the price you pay for being a human being. You can't hope to get out without getting hurt or hurting, but you can do the best you can to be fair to yourself and to them and to be able to look back and think, "I did the best I could at the time."

Good luck and hope you're having a decent vacation, even in Texas. :-)