omgi'materribleblogger

but we all already knew that.

It's been busy over my way. Graduation happened (yay!), bought a car (all by myself), I've moved in with my boyfriend (temporarily), had a baby (my goddaughter, Chloe) and I'm looking to find a job soon (likerightnow).

Currently, my days are filled with running errands and hoping for a call on one of the billions of resumes I've sent out. fingers crossed everyone!

It's super hot in the apartment right now. Like, sweltering. but that's because my bf is getting a cold and I don't want it to get too cold. I wanna stop this illness in its tracks so that we can have fun this weekend. But if not, I'll take good care of him like I always do. So he's been in bed since 9, and I'm lying on the floor trying not to melt, attempting to blog silently and watching the laker game on mute.

And I gotta tinkle. But the bathroom feels reeeeealllly far away right now.


I'm gonna go stick my head in the freezer. Maybe I'll post again later if I don't melt.

and heaven smiled upon me.

I'm graduating.

Not just graduating but WALKING.

After last week's fiasco I could hardly stand to think about it, but my transcript came in the mail the next day, and Monday morning I was in my advisor's office. I was ready to fight.

Luckily, I didn't have to. And I got my cap and gown today. All smiles.

My mommy is coming into town tonight and I have a monstrous amount of stuff to do before she gets here but I've decided to go see a chick flick with my girls. My mom will understand. Hopefully this movie isn't too long.

The next big deal is finding an apartment, and a job that will pay for it. Le Sigh. My work is never done.

I'll be sure to post pictures from graduation when I have them!

Have you ever...

said something that could loosely be interpreted as sexual and then out of nowhere, someone that you know but not really decides they wanna take the innuendo and run with it? Then you think the two of y'all are joking and you're play-flirting back and then you realize that this guy is totally serious because he asks where you live and you're all "WTF, when did this happen?"



I'm so there.




And this kid is not even cute enough to be talking to me the way he is. The only thing redeeming him was the fact that he had a cute dog but then I come to find out that he doesn't even have the dog anymore. sigh. I'm going to bed.

This is a blog about pancakes.

Seriously.


I've actually been craving them all week, but somehow in my head they are more work than french toast, so I've had french toast about 6 times this week.

Actually, pancakes make me sad recently. I think it's because I'm so homesick. Making pancakes would make me think of my mom and mommy is so far away. I cried all over the Mother's Day card I sent to her today.

I'm a pussy I know.

Speaking of pussies, have you seen Cassie's? That's the singer, I know most people don't know who the fuck the bitch is, but yeah. it's her. Her funbags and her poon have been floating all over the internet after somebody "hacked into her computer."

Come on now, don't be a whore for propaganda.

At first, it was just her titicacas, then surfaced a photo of her spread eagle with all her piercings gleaming in the light of the webcam.

Jesus, take the wheel.


This is TOTALLY not what I came her to talk about.

I'm gonna make a sex tape. That would speed up this whole 'becoming famous' thing, fo sho.

I just had a thought...

I'm pretty sure my best friend, Valerie, hates me.

Well maybe not hates me HOLY FUCK OPRAH LOOKS SO GOOD WITH HER HAIR LIKE THAT!!


I'm sorry. That happens sometimes.


but any way, Valerie has to think I'm a pain in the ass. I mean I move all the way across the country and I call her so I can cry like a blubbering idiot and I know that's gotta be annoying especially when there are so many other fun and awesome things one could be doing and the only reason she keeps me in her life is because she's concerned that I'm a suicide risk and she just doesn't want that blood on her hands.

Speaking of blood, did you know that horseshoe crabs have blue blood? It's because the elemental component of their hemoglobin in copper, not iron like ours.

Star Jones looks like a walrus.


I'm so sorry for this. Please return to your lives as they were, as I'm sure this doesn't even make sense anymore.


I <3 valerie. and oprah. and mexican food. fuck. there I go again.

I need a red bull.

That bitch looks like a salamander.

:|



I'm not even joking. I would post her picture but that would just cause more drama than it's worth.




ugh. DOWNGRADE DOWNGRADE DOWNGRADE!!!!!!

Is that a lacefront?

Who knew Trey Songz got his start on Tyra?!?!

please note the silky smooth yaki, freshly sewn in... it's beautiful. Beyaki, take notes.

OW! Tyra looks like she creamed her panties and smelled something awkward at the same time.

Voice even has the Trey face down. 

yum.

OH. Around the 1:40 mark it cuts to some white lady repeating the praise Tyra gives herself so you can stop around there. 

Or just keep watching if you're into that kind of thing.

Pharrell is my favorite :)

I've always been exposed to Mr. Williams, especially in the last few months because a certain person in my life was basically obsessed with him. And oddly, though it would annoy me if it was anyone else, I tolerated and even mildly enjoyed cyberstalking Pharrell through Australia. Just because it made that person happy. Sick, huh?

But I digress. 

It's odd that soon after  that person is out of my life, I fall totally in love with Skateboard P. Mostly because of this lovely display of fuckery in Paris.

I love a man who can make up a song about various foodstuffs off the top of his head. And of course accompany it with an awkward, Michael Jackson inspired dance.

I think I'm in love.

I'm gonna stab him...

He told me he would be here in an hour... FOUR AND A HALF HOURS AGO.

Inconsiderate bastard.

grrr.

so it's been a while..

Dearest blog, I apologize for neglecting you so. It's been a rough couple weeks.

Just wanted to say hi. 

hi.

that's all.

Shake them Dreads!

I'm sitting here watching the First 48 because I got out of lab early and don't have another class until 12:40 which I should start getting ready for... but I digress. Damn this undiagnosed ADD!


But anyway, I'm watching the First 48 and the chick they were interviewing stuck some crack up her butthole when she thought she could get a way with it. But the cameras in the room caught her and she was then cavity searched. After that, the made her take off her WIG AND SHAKE IT.

OMG. It was so damn hilarious I don't know what to do. Maybe that's only funny to me but if you had seen it, you would laugh too.

Lordie. I'm gonna go get ready for class.

WOAH!

I have a follower!!!! that's nutso! who's crazy enough to follow my blog?? Well not crazy, I'm sure you're amazing. Well you have to be, you're associated with me.


You know, sometimes, when I think of how many awesome blogs there are, I feel like I'm wasting some kind of internet paper or something that could be recycled and used me for something more important.


but whatever. I have a follower. :D

I need a purpose.

so I've decided that I have no purpose.

Many of my friends blog, mostly fashion blogs. My blog is about my life.


which is pretty damn boring. At least I think so.

I really need to carry my macbook with me, so that I can blog random thoughts. I have so many and i forget so easily cause sometimes my brain acts crazy and I can't stop thinking or moving and everything runs together and then I forget and then I hate myself because I get so entertained by my thoughts and I wanna share them but I have forgotten and then I think about carrying cheesy which is the name of my mac (get it, cheesy mac?) but I need a new battery and he dies in like 15 minutes and what good what that do?


see?


I think I have ADD.

I really want a puppy. I wanna convince someone to get me one.


I saw my spiph today... it was amazing I've missed him so much. And finally my big brother is back. <3 I'm pretty sure this is what I came to post about but in my true form, I forgot.

the golden girls are my life.

If you don't watch Golden Girls, I don't think we can be friends anymore. If you aren't a fan, go to YouTube, then go to channels and search either The Lanai or Goinggoldenagain (one word). watch, laugh, love.

This shit is hilarious. I want to be that fucking funny when I'm about to take the big dirt nap.

wash that weave and put it right back in that bitch!

I think fake people are great. Cause as soon as you find out how fake they are, you get to royally play their lives. Like my roommate for example.. she's a fake, disgusting, dirty, nasty old weave wearing slore (that's a slut and a whore mixed together, in case you didn't know). I didn't know that at first, but when it all came out our house was like an episode of Keyshia Cole's family fuckery. Living with a slut builds character, I say. But I'm digressing... learning how to weed out bad friends doesn't only train you for the future, but it teaches you a whole hell of a lot about yourself. so embrace it.

My God, just shoot me.

I would really appreciate it if people stopped asking me who I'm looking at in the NFL playoffs.



The answer is no one. and the tears that well up in my eyes when you mention the National Football League should deter you from pressing further, but if you're one of those people who doesn't fucking get it, press on. break a young woman's heart.


Of course, more than it already is. I don't even want to revisit in any detail the fuckery that was the Cowboys vs. Eagles game that killed Dallas' chances at the playoffs, because it is far too painful. And if you can't understand then I hope you get sacked by an old lady in the grocery store and then I hope said lady shoves an entire hard salami up your ass because you are a fucktard with no empathy for a football fan in pain.


But of course, there's always next season. Oh yeah, goodbye Tony Romo. You've choked when it mattered most for the last time. Too bad you don't get to play in the awesome Cowboy Stadium. That shit is HOT.


I probably will watch the superbowl, because a true football fan wouldn't miss it, but it's gonna hurt. sigh.

Peeing in a cup takes more skill than one would think...

I went to the gynecologist today. It was actually mildly entertaining (which should indicate how mind numbingly bored I am) and I had a good time.

My nurse practitioner was named Joni, and she was awesome. she literally yelled "NO GLOVE, NO LOVE" at me with a huge smile on her face while we were talking about safe sex practices. It was great.

I also had to pee in a cup which is easy for normal people but I'm not normal so it ended being an ordeal. QUITE the ordeal. and then I couldn't find the nurse who told me to bring the pee to her so I'm standing in the middle of the office holding a cup of my own pee.

awkward. but whatever.

then I got poked and prodded and Joni and I talked about my "boyfriend" and then I got blood drawn while sitting in a chair that looked like a torture device and the nurse laughed at me when I told her that even though I was totally serious.

My arm still hurts.

So let's hope for my "boyfriend's" sake that I don't get a phone call from Joni. Cause then he will die. She's gonna send me a card if everything's cool though. weee!

NYE 2008 or is it 2009? whatever.

So I'm stuck in boring ass Houston for the ultimate drinking holiday of the year. My brother's friend has a sister my age but I don't know where she is so it looks like I'm stuck with my family tonight.





sigh.






So, I have decided that I'm getting drunk tonight if I go out tonight or not.

Pass the champagne, grandma.

have you ever wondered...

if artists just did whatever the fuck they wanted and it never really meant anything and art critics have gotten into the habit of trying to figure shit out and the artist is just like, "I put that pig there because bacon is delicious and I fucking love pigs" but people are referencing Animal Farm and Socialism and THE MAN then the artist is just like, "WTF"?

ALSO.

I was watching Taboo the other night about coming of age ceremonies and on the island of Vanuatu the men jump off a huge tower with vines tied to their ankles and plummet face down toward the Earth and they think that this is the origin of modern day bungee jumping and they tell this flowery story of how the tradition originated with some guy trying to kill his wife and she climbed up a tree and tied vines to her ankles and he went up the tree to totally murk that bitch but she jumped and he followed but he wasn't cool and didn't have vines tied to his ankles so he went SPLAT and whatnot when he hit the ground and nowadays the men build a huge tower* and jump off that shit to symbolize that they will never be tricked again(which to me is odd because if it were me I would have the women jump but without the vines to teach their asses a damn lesson).

*In this episode, the tower actually fell and killed a NatGeo camera man and a few of the men who were yet to jump. Which was totally not funny.

omg.

so i'm in this strange place and the icky roommie cleaned today so that was good but my head is going crazy and my body is doing weird things and I don't know what the hell is going on with me and I think I'm getting depressed and I told my bff how I'm basically a 20 year old spinster that is doomed to own 38 cats and become a hoarder and by the time I'm 25 I'm gonna have my very own NBC special featuring some distinguished reporter like Lisa Ling about hoarding cat ladies and they'll come in and I'll be wearing a muu muu because I'm a spinster as mentioned before and they're gonna take away my cats because the whole living situation is unsanitary and gross and of course the cats could die in the hoarded clutter and I threaten to kill myself because my cats and 'Days of Our Lives' is all I live for and then they bring Oprah in because Oprah is the queen of getting to the root of people's feelings and by the end of my segment on 60 Minutes I'm healed and they make me over and give me a whole new look but I'm still single and they took my cats so the cycle is doomed to repeat itself and it's just a big mess.





omg. I need therapy.